You’re a Saint

“Don’t fool yourself, my dear. You’re much worse than a bitch. You’re a saint. Which shows why saints are dangerous and undesirable.” – Ayn Rand, The Fountainhead

I love this quote!  Anytime I get all self righteous I remember being a self anointed saint is a really bad thing!  See if you can recognize a scenario like this from your own life.

My feelings are hurt.  I’m angry.  I’m sad.  I’m disappointed in another human being.  Life sucks.  One place I can go is to begin telling myself how totally and completely blameless I am in the situation.  I begin by reviewing all my very best attributes and traits.  I usually then move to remembering every single thing I’ve done for the other person to help them over the years.  Not only are they not grateful, they treat me like this?  And, for absolutely no reason.  I mean I have not in the slightest  way provoked the behavior they have exhibited.  I don’t want to use the word “victim” since I know that has negative psychological connotations.  I have been horribly wronged and I’m such a completely good, kind, loving, awesome, blameless soul.

You get the picture?  A saint!  So, Ayn Rand in the above quote says in my sainthood, I’m “. . . much worse than a bitch. . . . dangerous and undesirable.”

What’s missing from my description of my encounter?  Responsibility!  The big “R” word.  Usually, not always, but usually, we have some sort of responsibility in a relationship.  Just maybe if I look honestly at myself, I can see where I may have provoked the action.  Or, caused the other some sort of harm and they are retaliating. Or, maybe I really do enjoy being a victim.  I can get lots of love from others when I’m in my academy award winning victim role.

Or, maybe I have been wronged – totally and completely unprovoked by me.  Time to be a bitch!  Well, or at least find my courage, look the other person in the eye (no email, text, phone) and call them on their action.  Time to get it on the table and release the whole thing.  In a way being a bitch prevents me from falling into my victim/saint role.  It’s talked over, done with.  Move on.

Namaste.